Swallowing The Heart Of A Martyr
by Sweetly-Sadistic's-Romanticide
Summary: Howl's Heart is back and all seems well until he begins to disappear more often. Devastated by this Sophie searches for the newest monster within her love. But will the discovery kill her in its wake? Based off of movie since I can't find the damn book.
1. Chapter 1

-1

"Sophie?" a voice startled her from her thoughts, drawing her attention from out the window. She turned around from the busy cobbled street view to see a man coming down the dark walnut stairs, his booted feet making no sound on the steps. A smile crossed on his pale face as he came closer, ignoring the snoring Calcifer.

"Hey, there you are. I was wondering if you went out," Howl said happily, grasping her hand and leaning out the open window. Sophie smiled at him, momentarily mesmerized by the way his raven hair blew in the wind. He had taken to letting it grow and now it was down a little past his shoulders. Reaching up she fiddled with her own short silvery hair.

"Why? I don't need to go shopping or anything," she answered confusedly. Over tiled roofs she spotted the brilliant glare of sunlight upon blue waters and white sails. Howl turned and leaned against the sill before shrugging, his sea green earrings bobbing slightly.

"Markl and Heen left and Ms. Waste is asleep. It was so quiet I was sure you had left as well."

"I was just thinking," she replied shiftily, trying not to bring too much attention to the subject. Walking over to the fire place she set a dry log next to Calcifer, smirking when he yawned and grumbled at the noise.

"Oh? About what?" Howl pressed, following behind her to sit at the table. Sophie shrugged distractedly, fretting about for something to do. Housework was now constantly kept up on and there was no shop to attend. With neither of those to do, it left her detestably bored.

"This and that, you know, nothing special," she replied softly, turning to find him next to her, looking down with amused and narrowed eyes. The pure and crystalline blue of them gave her shivers as he smiled crookedly.

"Oh, Sophie, what are you hiding from me?" he mused in a singsong, his voice low and lilting. There was always a slight, teasing growl in his voice that constantly grabbed her attention. She tried to frown at his prodding as he raised her chin with two fingers. Despite her frustration she smiled a little.

"Its nothing, Howl."

He sighed in slight annoyance before letting go of her, a quiet grin still in place. He backed away and went down the stairs to the door, twisting the knob to red.

"C'mon, lets go for a walk," he suggested lightly, opening the heavy portal. Sophie shrugged, grabbing her sunhat and gloves before following. Skipping down the steps towards the wizard she dusted the little berries and ribbon on the top before placing it on her head. She squinted in the bright light of midday.

"Its so bright," she muttered, shielding her eyes as they walked along the hill. A small grin graced Howl's lips as he gazed down at the thousands of flowers in the green grass. Bluebells, foxgloves, delphiniums and a dozen others danced in the slight, warm wind.

Grabbing hold of Howl's hand Sophie held up one end of her yellow dress from a particularly muddy area.

"Howl? What are we going to do?" she asked suddenly, seriously. He stopped and looked down at her in soft confusion.

"What do you mean? We are going to go to the waters edge and sit for a while. Inside is too boring."

"No, I mean is what's the plan? We have no shop, you aren't making spells anymore and we've been lazing about for a month now. What are we going to do?" she explained a bit uneasily. Howl thought for a moment before smiling lightly.

"I have no idea." With that he ran the rest of the way down the hill, laughing at her protests.

"Howl! I'm serious!" she hollered, half skipping as she chased after him. He gave a bark of laughter and fled faster.

"So was I!"

Groaning in frustration Sophie sped up, her brown boots running in the grass and her dress whispering in the flowers. One hand flew up to hold her hat in place as she ran, her breathing hard. Coming to the bottom of the hill she stopped and looked about, her brown eyes searching for the man.

"Howl? Howl?!" she called out when she couldn't find him. She stood at the meeting of two tall hills, the ravine heading to the west into another hill and the east breaking off into the shining, clear water. There was nowhere for him to hide. When her call finished echoing in the air, silence answered, dead quiet except for the murmuring of the wind on the slight waves.

A clench of fear stuck in her chest, strangling her air passageways. Ever since Howl had retained his heart it seemed as if she was constantly worried about him and his frequent disappearances. He did it a lot before but now it was every single day that he was gone for hours on end. It wouldn't bother her so much if he would tell her where he disappeared to. Whenever she asked he merely smiled and went on to a different subject.

"Howl! This isn't funny! Where are you?" she yelled in a near panic, cupping her hands around her mouth. Again only silence answered. Sophie frowned and could feel inane fear gripping her. She hated silence and not just the peaceful quiet; it was that utter and absolute nothingness that made her jumpy and terrified.

Scrambling up the way she came she fought every step of the steep incline. Her white gloved hands dug into the earth, pulling up plants as she climbed. Soon a stitch grew in her side, slowing her down.

"Stupid hills," Sophie grumbled heatedly, ignoring the tears in her eyes. Why did he disappear again? Was he trying to give her a hint? Was he running away from her? Did he decide she was not beautiful like he decided about the Witch of the Waste? Is that why she could never see him?

Swallowing a bout of angry yells, she reached the top, leaning into the wind as it blew hard against her. A gust hit her in the face like a slap, knocking her hat off her head, carrying it away.

"Oh no! My hat!" she cried sadly, reaching out for it, turning about, her back to the wind. The sunhat twirled and spun in the air, floating away over the land. Sophie sighed in disappointment. That was her favorite hat.

Suddenly, the ground beneath her crumbled like wet soil clumps. A small screech escaped her as she slipped down the hill, tumbling forward on unsteady legs. The world seemed shaky and berserk as she fell, her brain feeling as if it was being bounced about in her skull. Screaming in short breaks she tumbled and rolled to the bottom, her back and legs hitting rocks and outcroppings. Pain exploded in several spots as she finally came to a stop on her belly.

Sobbing slightly she laid still, her face buried in her sleeves, legs shaking from the aftershock. She could feel her knees and shins bleeding through her stockings and her back throbbing in tune with her growing headache. Oh, where was Howl?


	2. Chapter 2

-1

"Sophie? Are you alright?" Markl cried out when she staggered up the steps of the castle. She looked up at the boy with his frowning eyebrows and red-brown cow licked hair and his almost outrageous outfit. By the time she had reached the door the sun had sunken down in a bloody end, sending out ruby rays through the clean windows.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she replied uncertainly, trying hard not to put weight on her left leg as she staggered across the room. "Is Howl here?"

"No, he hasn't been home," answered Ms. Waste contentedly, watching Calcifer sit and mutter about 'ungrateful wizards' and 'creepy old women'. Markl sat at the table with Heen at his feet, pretending to study an astral chart. Sophie sighed again before limping up the stairs.

"I'm going to take a bath. Calcifer? Please?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, lady. Just give me another log," the fire demon crackled in annoyance. Markl got up and rushed over a dusty stump of wood for her. Giving him a tired smile she went up to the bathroom.

"Stupid Howl," she muttered repeatedly as she turned the taps to hot and let the tub fill up. Stripping off her boots and stained stockings she found her knees scraped raw and a wicked looking cut on her left leg. After she removed her dress and stood in her undergarments she found a large, swollen lump on her lower back.

Steam filled the narrow room, closing over her nose and mouth like a damp towel. For a moment she glared down at her arms, at the many little bumps and scars that littered them like the plague. For as long as she could remember she had to cover her body because of those damn hereditary blemishes. Mother and Lettie didn't have it but lucky her and Father had.

Sometimes it just felt so unfair how beautiful her sister and mother were. They were popular, carefree and gorgeous without any of these…deformities. Howl couldn't possibly find her lovely, couldn't possibly want her around other than to clean up the castle. If he did then why did he leave so much? Maybe he had seen her problem and decided she wasn't worth it.

Tears stung Sophie's eyes as she got rid of the rest of her clothes and climbed into the bathtub. She gave a hissing sigh as the hot water scalded her sensitive skin and injuries, unused to the warmth. As a matter of fact, her skin wasn't even used to sunlight. All her life she had covered it so it was so pale and thin now. Disgusting.

Sophie squeezed her eyes shut against her self-loathing as she rested against the chilly porcelain of the bathtub. Downstairs she could hear Markl laughing and Calcifer barking something obnoxious. Sinking down to her nose in the steaming water she felt it flooding her ears, deadening all noises.

Just as she was dozing a little in the bath a loud but polite knock echoed through her thoughts. Flustered she sat up, her hair soaking, fumbling for her cotton robe.

"Yes? What is it?" she called through the door as she stood up and put on her robe. It hung only about at her knees but it tied tightly enough to be modest. Shaking her wet hair into a jumble she opened the bathroom door.

Howl stood there, his mouth opened in frozen speech and his clear blue eyes widened in surprise. A boiling anger grew in the pit of her stomach as she glowered at him, her fists clenched. The wizard looked her up and down before stopping at her still bleeding legs and the way she hunched over slightly. Her cheeks were flushed from the hot water and fury. Dark silver hair plastered to her frowning brow and thin neck which trailed down to a pale collarbone. Her caring brown eyes were fired in something dark and murderous as she looked at him.

"Sophie? What happened to you?" he asked concernedly, his brow furrowed in worry. Her cheeks flushed deeper in embarrassment. Sophie could practically hear her teeth grinding in her mouth.

"What happened? What happened?! You left me and I fell down a goddamn hill and scratched the hell out of my legs and bruised my back!" she snapped hotly, her eyes practically spitting fire in their chocolate depths. Howl backed up a step, looking as if she had smacked him hard. The hurt in his expression made her feel bad but she didn't care. "Howl, what the hell? Why do you keep leaving me? What if I had broken my leg or something and I couldn't get back?"

"I'm sorry, Sophie, really, I hadn't realized-"

"Oh, you are so stupid!" she yelled in frustration, slamming the door in his face and stomping to the tub again. "Men! Men are so dumb!"

Howl stood in abject confusion and horror outside the door, hearing her clanging about and swearing at the top of her lungs. He screwed up bad this time.


	3. Chapter 3

-1When Sophie finally came out of the bathroom, the others were already asleep in their rooms and the clock chimed one in the morning. Her hands and feet were more than a little pruned but she didn't care. As long as she didn't run into Howl she was fine. Her heart still burned in fury at the idea of him and she wasn't sure what she would say if she saw him.

Sneaking down the steps she cast a glance at the slumbering Calcifer. Moonlight contrasted with the warm glow he let out on the wooden floor. Going to the glass doors to the courtyard, Sophie opened one and slipped out quickly.

Cool wind tickled her legs and teased her blue nightgown about her ankles as she walked across the clean cut grass. It was too early for dew to cling to it so she sat down on her legs by the railing. The gentle air calmed her down and soothed the fired confusion in the coils of her brain.

Staring up at the slice of a moon that hung over the snowcapped mountains of the wastes, Sophie vaguely wondered what would have happened to her if she had never run into Howl that day. Would she have continued on in her shop, alone? Or would she would have met someone nice and caring? She loved Howl, true, but she couldn't help but feel that maybe he didn't really love her.

"Its lovely, isn't it?" a familiar voice whispered to her right. Sophie froze a little before bristling in anger. Looking over she found Howl standing on the still ridge of metalwork next to the courtyard. His sky eyes stared up at the moon and the stars in silent thought, the crystals of color in them darkened by some sort of frustrated agony.

Normally Sophie would have felt pity and sympathy for a look like that and she did a little but her fury drowned it out.

"Yeah, it was," she growled as she got up and stomped over to the other side of the courtyard, staring out at Star Lake's icy looking waters. Behind her she could hear Howl get down onto the grass and his footsteps approaching her. Gentle, sad hands touched her stiff shoulders, making her steel up even more.

"I really am sorry," his low and musical voice said softly. She stifled the tears she knew were coming, making her body quake in compressed tension. "Sophie?"  
"Are you really?" she asked quietly, her tone sharp and cutting. She could feel him flinch at her words.

"I wouldn't have let you-"

"Get hurt? Well, I am. I am hurt," she cut in bitterly. The hands on her shoulders disappeared but she knew he was still there. "You leave me and you won't tell me anything. It hurts when you just up and vanish and you don't care. I have nothing left except for you, Howl. How am I supposed to feel when that happens?"

Nothing answered her and it spurred on another confession.

"Do you even love me? Am I too ugly for you? Am I not beautiful enough for you? Did you see-"

Her angry and spiteful words were cut off as she was almost roughly spun around. She nearly yelped in surprise as Howl grabbed her upper arms and forced her to look at him. She'd never seen him angry but now the furious and dark gaze he burned at her frightened away her voice. The slim fingers that held her dug into her arms painfully.

"Sophie, I don't ever want to hear you say such things again!" Howl ordered in a sharp steely voice. She whimpered slightly at the pain in his grasp and felt it loosen a little. Something in his eyes terrified, something hateful and angry, something dangerously close to the collected surface he generally displayed. "That is the furthest from the truth. I love you and I think you are the most beautiful creature in the world. Don't accuse me of things you don't know."

Sophie's voice suddenly came back and she jerked herself out of Howl's strong grip, her brown eyes rimmed in tears.

"How am I supposed to know? You never let me in. You never let me close. I would have poured my heart out to you and yet you can't give me a drop of comfort," she spat back, choking slightly on the lump in her throat. "If I died right now, I would die knowing absolutely nothing about the man I love."

The statement seemed to burn him and he whirled away and paced like a caged animal, his gaze on the ground as if he would scorch the grass. She stood with her back in the iron corner, watching in a mixture of fear, sadness and anger. After a few moments she felt she should say something more, maybe in a way to help or maybe to let go some more, she wasn't sure.

"I feel like I'm trying to love a statue, yes, a laughing and smiling one but a cold statue all the same. Howl, I'm lonely and scared and I don't know what's going to happen," she continued in a softer, calmer voice. Tears streamed from her eyes, large and hot, but she didn't care. The wizard stopped walking and looked at her, his brow furrowed and eyes dark. "I just…I just don't know what to believe anymore. I'm so confused. I'm so scared."

Sophie's last word hung in the tense air like a bell, chiming in both their ears. Howl's expression cleared a little and he came closer to her. His eyes were still thoughtful and thunderous but they seemed kinder to her and more receptive.

"I really don't mean to scare you so often, Sophie," he said slowly and sadly. She choked on tears and nodded in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry for being so pathetic," she whispered miserably before covering her face with her hands and sobbing quietly. Around her she could feel Howl wrapping his arms, drawing her close to him. He whispered comforting, sweet words in her ears as she buried her eyes in his shoulder, trying to soothe her.

"Shh, you're not pathetic. Sophie, please calm down," he murmured gently, tightening his hold on her when she shook terribly. He brushed a hand through her soft, silvery hair and felt burning tears on his fingers. 'C'mon, that's my girl. Lets go to bed."

Sophie let him guide her back into the house under his arm. She didn't pay attention as he flicked his finger to guide a log to Calcifer and pass her door. It wasn't until they were halfway up the stairs before she realized they weren't going to her bedroom.

Looking up she opened her mouth in confusion, her thick eyebrows knitted together. Howl merely smiled that gentle, hidden smile of his and pressed a finger to her lips. She blushed but said nothing as he led her past Markl's room to his. Opening the door he guided her in, closing it behind him.

The knick-knacks and assorted strange objects clicked and moved, glittering in the warm lamplight. Sitting down on his bed the wizard struggled off his boots before flopping down on the blankets.

Standing there awkwardly Sophie looked down at her sock shod feet. A soft murmured call made her look up sharply. Howl beckoned her over, the blankets tossed back for her.

"C'mon, I don't bite."

"Howl, I don't think this is appropriate."

"Appropriate for whom? A twelve year old? We're both adults here. I just want to go to bed," Howl laughed quietly, being light-hearted yet serious. Biting her lower lip Sophie walked over and stiffly laid down on the bed, her back like a board on the soft mattress. He flicked off the light and promptly rolled over, ignoring her. His action startled her to no end.

For a few moments she laid there silently, listening to him breathe easily before relaxing. Melting thankfully against the feather pillow and mattress she sighed and looked at Howl's turned back. His dark raven hair glistened in the multiple glowing lights from the odd and bizarre objects in his room. Hanging from the one visible ear was his slightly luminescent earring.

Timidly she pressed a palm against his back between his shoulder blades, feeling the muscles under his shirt. When he didn't respond to her touch she dropped her hand and stared up at the ceiling. He must have fallen asleep. Rolling over she laid with her back to his, eyes dazing off at the many little lights.

A heavy arm snaked around her waist, making her squeak a little in surprise. Turning a bit Sophie found Howl behind her, still feigning sleep. Shyly she eased back down, blushing when he pulled her back against him, curving her body to his. When he did nothing else she sighed and drifted, exhausted from her tears.


	4. Chapter 4

-1A nuzzling feeling against her neck awoke Sophie the next morning. At first she thought it was Heen but then gentle teeth and nibbling on her flesh made her freeze and shiver. Opening her sleepy brown eyes, she tried to move away but the thick weight around her waist pulled her back. Confused and slightly frightened she looked over her shoulder to find brilliant, teasing blue eyes staring at her.

"Ho-?" she began before being cut off by a warm, questing pair of lips. A small squeak of surprise escaped her before she responded a bit timidly.

"Good morning, Sophie," he murmured sweetly, his rich voice deep and clear in the early hours. Not that she could tell, there were no windows in the room. The only way she could guess was at how rested she was.

Unused to being seduced first thing in the morning, Sophie smiled and rested back upon the pillows, her neck cushioned by Howl's strong arm. Intent on going back to sleep, she tried to ignore the rain of soft kisses along her neck, shoulders and jaw. Her attempt was in vain as she felt something in her lower belly stir.

"Stop," she giggled, trying hard to roll away from the wizard. She managed to twist around in his grasp, her hair in a tumbled mess falling in her face. Howl smiled at her easily as she gazed up at him, his long fingers brushing strands from her wide eyes.

"Never," he responded teasingly, leaning forward to nibble her ear lightly. Sophie shivered again and pushed him away, laughing with him. A loud knock on the door made them both jump, the girl hiding underneath the blankets. She heard it open and Markl inquiring as to where she was.

"Shopping. She said she'd be back later," Howl responded easily, as if she wasn't hidden against his chest in the bed.

"Okay."

Once the door closed again Sophie peered out, trying hard not to laugh. He hugged her to him, smiling down at her. His expression turned serious but still friendly as he studied her face.

"Am I forgiven?" he asked lowly, waiting for her response patiently. Sophie thought about it then grinned. There was no point in arguing then, not when it was so peaceful and calm.

"For now."

"For now?"

"Yep," with that she sat up out of his hold, stretching her arms to the blinking and whirling ceiling. Letting out a heavy and dizzying breath of air she flopped backwards on the pillows. "I wonder what time it is."

"9:38 exactly."

"How do you know? I don't see any clocks in here."

Howl merely smiled secretively before leaning over her and placing a soft kiss on her lips. Sophie laughed a little into his mouth and eagerly responded, her tongue questing to his. The wizard gave a low sound between a moan and a growl. She laid her hand on his pounding heart and he froze.

Abruptly Howl pulled away and stood up, not looking at her. Sitting up, Sophie bit her lip, wondering what on earth she had done wrong. Brushing a hand through his raven hair he glared at the floor, his frustrated and darkened eyes trying to bore a hole in the wood. Almost as quickly as it happened, he turned and the expression was gone again.

"Lets get you downstairs. Wouldn't want them getting the wrong idea, now do we?" Howl laughed easily, holding a hand out to her. Sophie considered arguing with him and demanding what the hell that look was about. But for some reason she felt maybe she shouldn't push it right then.

Not then in any case.


	5. Chapter 5

-1"Sophie, have you seen Master Howl?" Markl asked curiously, almost worriedly when she came in from visiting Lettie and Mother. She sighed wearily, taking off her new sunhat and gloves.

"No, not really. Why? Has he been missing for some time?" she queried tiredly, used to this scenario by now. It had been over a week and a half since she had told Howl her pains but nothing had changed. If anything things got worst. He was gone for longer and she saw him maybe an hour a day. And everyday everyone would ask the same damn thing. Where was Howl? How in the hell was she to know?

A tugging in her mind caused her to glance back at the door, at the whirling disk, at that cursed black slice. Was he there? Should she look? She tried to squash the nagging suspicion out of respect for Howl's privacy but his behavior was beginning to upset her even more.

"No, just the usual. That man never sticks around, now does he?" Ms. Waste replied for Markl when the boy merely frowned and went back up to his room. Sophie didn't like when she remembered parts of who she was. There'd be times when the old witch would be perfectly senile and happy and that was all fine for her but when she recalled her former glory; god, it was annoying.

She gave a hidden look at the elder woman's teasing, all knowing tone. It bothered her once in a while to think that Howl once loved her and chased her. Sometimes it was torture to have her in the same room.

"No, I suppose he doesn't," Sophie muttered, taking her hat off and slumping down on the couch, far from Ms. Waste. Letting go of a sigh she smiled lightly at a concerned looking Calicifer. The fire demon's round eyes were staring at her intently and she knew that meant he was trying to analyze her thoughts.

"Staring is rude, Calcifer. Don't you know better?" Ms. Waste suddenly scolded easily, causing the fire to turn an embarrassed magenta.

"I was not staring! I was just thinking in that direction! Why do you care, you creepy-?"

"Oh, calm down, you spouting little spark!"

"Spouting?!" Calcifer raged, growing slightly and hissing tongues of fire. "I'll show you 'spouting'!"

"Don't you yell at an old woman! Learn some manners!"

"Me? You started it, you dumb old bat!"

"Now that's not very nice," a lower, amused voice cut in, startling the three of them. Howl stood, leaning against the wall next to the front window, smiling in easy entertainment. Sophie felt her hands clench and her brow frown at how simply relaxed he was. It wasn't fair how angry she was and how frustrated while he acted as if it was the first day of spring.

"Stupid witches…" Calcifer muttered acidly, sinking low in the embers and glaring at Ms. Waste who returned a wilting look. Sophie stood up and went to fetch the large iron pot for dinner. Howl only came home when it was time for a meal.

She gave a startled gasp when somebody grabbed her wrist from behind, making her turn. Howl grinned at her before shaking his head.

"Why don't we go out for dinner? How about it?" he asked, first to her then to the other occupants. Ms. Waste smiled in agreement and Heen wheezed happily at the idea of left overs. Markl appeared at the word of dinner and chirped a glad response.

"How about it, Sophie? Wanna drop the apron for a night?" the wizard inquired in questing, his blue eyes glittering in eagerness. Sophie bristled a little, pondering if she should ask how they would pay for it. After a moment she sighed and nodded in defeat.

Howl leaned in and pecked her cheek before guiding her to her bedroom.

"There's a new dress in there for you that I want you to wear," he said lowly, teasing her ear with his breath. Instead of answering she merely nodded, allowing him to close the door behind her.

As soon as it clicked shut, she bit her lip in frustration and ran to her bed. Grabbing her thickest pillow she buried her face in it, fists clenched in the cloth. Letting lose an angry and desperate scream into it, hoping it muffled the noise enough, Sophie yelled and cussed for all her worth. When she finally finished she emerged breathless and red faced.

Glancing into a mirror on her wall she groaned at her hair. Markl had enchanted a soap bubble into a mirror as a project and honestly it turned out wonderfully, except the surface changed color like a bubble. Running a hand through the tangled and frayed mess of silver locks, Sophie looked down at the dress on her covers.

It was a pale lavender color, made of soft cotton with pearl buttons in the back. The sleeves were shorter than she liked, ending at her elbows and puffing slightly with trimmed white lace. The folds of the skirt where dotted with patterns of purple sequins, dancing along in swirling gusts. The ends would hang about her shins at a modest length. But the color and bust bothered her. The edges were also laced but the fit looked a bit low and tight.

After a while of frustrated fighting and fidgeting Sophie managed to struggle into the dress and button it up. Looking at herself in the mirror, she blushed lightly. It was too pretty for a girl like her. Smoothing the skirt she looked down to find a box peeping out from where she tossed her old clothes.

"Oh!" she gasped in delighted shock at what she found. Inside was a pair of soft leather boots, a lovely cream color that came to her knees and a set of similar colored gloves. A small, dainty necklace was tucked in a cloth inside one boot. It sported a tiny chain of porcelain roses with pale pink petals. Oh, he spoiled her.

Completely dressed and ready, Sophie felt a hot guilt in her gut. Had he bought this or had he spent all that alone time making it? Her anger dissipated and was replaced by self-chastisement. She would have to ask and apologize for her behavior. Her actions seemed inexcusable now.

Taking a deep breath she went out to find them waiting and chatting in the living room. Markl spotted her first and his mouth dropped in amazed surprise. The others turned and stared as well for a good moment. The only pair of eyes that mattered though were Howl's. His burned darkly as he gazed at her, a slightly twisted smile on his lips. It made her nervous how he looked at her.

"Are we ready?" he asked her, his voice a deeper growl than normal. Unable to get her tongue working she nodded slightly. A tremor of fright raced through her when he came up, his movement like that of a hunter stalking his prey. Taking her hand he laced it through his arm and led the troupe outside.


	6. Chapter 6

"Calcifer will like these pot sticker things, won't he?" Markl asked curiously as he nibbled on one from the take home bag. The sky overhead was a velvety blue with sparkling dots of diamonds. The air was chilly in the autumn wind, giving more goose pimples than actual freezes. The apprentice walked ahead with Ms. Waste, escorting her heavy hand bag with Heen at his side, trotting and wheezing contentedly.

"He should but I don't think he's ever had them before," Sophie remarked easily, her head leaned against Howl's strong shoulder. His arm was wrapped loosely but possessively about her, his hand clutching her upper arm. They came upon a crossroads and he stopped abruptly, causing Sophie to grunt in surprise when her pillow was jolted out from under her.

"Ms. Waste, make sure Markl gets home safely, please. I need to talk with Sophie alone," he said lightly, causing everyone to turn and look to him. A strange look passed between the wizard and former witch before she nodded, smiled and shuffled along.

"C'mon, Sophie," Howl murmured once they were out of earshot, leading her down the right road. She looked up to ask him what was going on but he merely kissed her and gave her a mischievous smile. "Trust me, alright?"

"Okay," she replied breathlessly. Suddenly an arm swept under her knees and the other wrapped tightly about her shoulders. A startled yelp escaped her before she found them airborne, soaring over the tiled rooftops and still green courtyards.

"Howl!" she cried out, looking up at him before gasping. Dark feathers streamed back from his chin down his neck, glistening in the half moon. Stray feathers danced along his strong chin and cheekbones, melding with the raven hair upon his head. Grasping her she felt claws and scaled hands. Pumping powerfully, large wings propelled them above the town easily. She had seen him so often this way but what startled and scared her the most was the way his eyes gleamed with almost a yellow shine, dark gold flecks glowing like some sort of fire.

The wizard looked down at her and smiled and she winced to find that he had long canines now, glistening slightly. Sophie didn't return the smile but merely buried her face in his feathered shoulder, suppressing tears.

After a while of shivering in the cold wind, she felt them descending and landing gently. Howl set her down somewhere soft and delicious smelling but still she didn't open her eyes. Sophie felt him place a loving kiss to her forehead and lips before disappearing.

A low grunt of pain was what finally prompted her to open her stubborn brown eyes. Howl sat next to her, his form still that of a bird, curled up into himself. They sat upon soft, still fresh grass upon an overlooking hill in the Wastes, comfortably nestled a good distance from her hometown. Thousands of wildflowers grew upon the ground, giving off the smell of lavender, poppies and daffodils. But none of that nor the sparkling lights of town drew her attention.

"Howl, are you alright? Howl!" Sophie demanded concernedly, crawling to the wizard and laying a gentle hand on his shaking back. He twitched away and growled from somewhere in the depths of his chest, sounding frustrated and pained. Undeterred, she put her arms about his shoulders, drawing him back against her chest, forcing him to rest back from his curled formation.

Pushing black feathers from his pale face she forced away tears at the strained smile he gave her. His clawed hand came up from where he rested in her lap, caressing the silver locks of hair. Anyone else would have shuddered from the scaly and dangerous touch but she just sighed and pressed her cheek against his palm.

"Please, what is wrong? Why won't you tell me what is hurting you?" she asked in her own soft pain. "It hurts me that you can't tell me."

Howl frowned at this and closed his startling eyes, his brow furrowing and body tensing. Fearfully she watched as he twitched and groaned, his feathers shrinking back into his clothing slowly. She could feel his muscles quake under the pain of it. Stroking his slightly damp brow she felt her own tears but ignored them.

"I'm so sorry, Sophie," Howl finally murmured when his transformation was complete. His eyes remained closed but she could tell he would be fine for now.

"I thought that was over. I thought you had gotten rid of the curse," she replied simply, her voice confused and sad. "Did you lie to me?"

"No, never."

"Then what is going on?"

For a long moment Howl didn't respond or move. He grasped her hand tightly and frowned slightly.

"I'm not completely sure what is going on but I have a feeling there was more than one monster inside of me."

"What do you mean? You looked the same."

"That form is me, the inner me that spells and curses bring out. I cannot change what I am, Sophie. You fell in love with a beast."

"I told you that I-"

"No, no, I know but that doesn't change anything. There is some other 'thing' inside me, something else that keeps demanding to be let out."

"Is that what you brought me out here for? To tell me these things?"

"Yes. I came to tell you why I have not been at home. Whenever I have been around you, this demon wants out, wants to come out. I don't know why and it scares me that you might be the cause of its actions."

"Are you telling me to leave?"

Howl sat up abruptly and opened his crystal clear eyes, locking them upon her fixedly. The grip he held on her hand became almost painful as he pulled her closer, holding her to his chest and pounding heart.

"Do you hear that, Sophie? You gave me my heart and now I can never let you go. I don't want to hurt you and that's why I hide from you."

"Please don't hide from me anymore," Sophie begged quietly, her tiny tears soaking the cloth she clung to. "Let me help you."

"I don't know what I'll do if I let you come too close. I don't want to hurt you," he responded with a note of finality. She flinched at the sound before sniffling. "I love you and I always will."

"I love you too, Howl."

Before he could protest, Sophie lifted her head and planted a tear drenched kiss upon his still lips. Impatient for the response she longed for, she wrapped her arms about his shoulders, pulling him down to the tender grass, her fingers twining in his black hair. With a surrendering sigh, Howl finally kissed her back, questing his warm tongue to hers for dominance.

Grabbing hold of his loose white tunic, she pulled him closer, refusing to give him a chance to escape from her. He was hers and no damn demon was going to change that. His slender, strong hands touched the pulse under her chin, feeling the steady, fast rhythm. Sophie nibbled his lower lip and he froze. Oh no, she cried out in her mind.

Just as she knew would happen, Howl wrenched himself away, flying back and scrambling to his feet. She sat up on her elbows, breathlessly, her chest heaving in frustration. For a moment the wizard stared at her with darkened and fascinated eyes at her tussled silver hair and kiss-bruised lips. An angry yell tore out of his throat before he stalked off, his hands clenched at his sides.

Unable to take this scenario any longer, Sophie cried wretched tears and curled up on the soft grass, not caring if someone or something got her. Whimpering softly to herself in frustration she drifted into a troubled doze, listening to the groaning wind.

AN: Hey, thanks for telling me about that. i saved it wrong and accidentaly sumbitted all that i had written. ' which really sucks cause now there is no surprises. I fixed the chapter and I'll put up all the rest in the right format. damn, i feel super stupid now.


	7. Chapter 7

-1When she finally woke up, Sophie found herself back at the castle, lying on the soft couch with Calcifer spitting a little in his sleep. One weary glance toward the clock revealed it to be about three thirty in the morning.

Sitting up, she found her head to feel as though it weighed twenty pounds, heavy and dead. With baleful, frustrated eyes she scanned the living room and dining room for any other sign of life. Her door was cracked open slightly and she could see that her clothes had been tossed onto the floor.

Getting up heatedly Sophie stormed to her room and pushed her door wide open, mouth curled in an angry frown. It melted when she spotted her bed made and empty. A corner of her heart almost hoped he would have been in the covers. But no, no Howl.

Slumping back to the living room, Sophie glared down at herself, realizing that she still wore the dress he had gotten her. An inane, angry part of her wanted to shred it to pieces. But most anger towards Howl had dissipated in light of the situation she found them in. The realization of what was happening to her beloved wizard settled in her head like a dark fog. Another monster, another thing that wanted out. And now he will never come near her again. Maybe he would never come home again, she thought with a nauseous pain.

As if something had screamed at her Sophie jumped and looked towards the door. The knob was turned to black. Black…what was that portal now? Was it still a way to his childhood memories or was it something else?

She took a steeling breath and made her decision. Quietly but determinedly she marched over to the stairs and walked down, wrenching open the door. Pitch, inky blackness roiled in front of her like the thick surface of some angry pit. A bit of her courage faltered and she timidly reached out, her hand sinking into the burning icy dark.

"I'm coming, Howl," Sophie whispered before striding into the frightful abyss. At first she heard nothing until a low growling and whining echoed in the distance. The strange combination of hot coldness itched at her exposed skin, making her flinch as she walked slowly forward. There was no solid ground and the air was thick like sludge but she knew she was moving.

After a few minutes of stumbling in the impenetrable dark, following the odd moaning growl, Sophie spotted a light. It was red, angry and demanding and it frightened her a little but she continued on, determined to find Howl.

Coming upon the scene, she gasped, her soft boots landing on hard, unfeeling ground. She was outside in some barren field, the dirt cracked and stiff, crumbling a little with each step. The sky was glowing like blood, dark clouds hanging overhead, leering and grumbling. Shivering at the sight, Sophie curled her arms together and walked, wary eyes looking for the wizard. Dead, twisted trees with macabre limbs seemed to reach and grab at her as she passed, making her squeak in fright.

Upon cresting a hill, Sophie looked down and froze in horror, her mouth dropping in terror at what she saw. Down on the ground, only ten feet away, crouched Howl, dressed only in ragged pants. His dark, wild hair fell in his face but she could see blood, red and fresh, smeared around his mouth, the canine teeth bared at a form on the ground. His dark clawed hands grasped the pale, shapely shoulders of a woman, raising her up from the ground.

Staring at the huge, bloody hole in the middle of the corpses chest, Sophie clasped a hand to her mouth, choking a horrified scream. Behind Howl a shape, mostly transparent like a shadow, loomed, grinning with long, soaked teeth at the body. It was huge, twice as big as the man, seeming haggard and dangerous. It seemed to be whispering and laughing into Howl's ear, making him growl and claw at the hole, searching.

The glassy, dead green eyes of the woman looked to be gazing at Sophie, piercing her with its doll-like luster. She stared at the locks of beautiful blonde hair and the long, perfect body in abject confusion and disgust. His claws stained her as he danced them along her cold and lifeless form, leaving lines of blood.

Realizing she had not breathed in some time, Sophie gave a staggered gasp, trying to be quiet but too stunned to succeed. Howl's dark head snapped up to look at her, his normally peaceful blue eyes fired in a fierce gold. His lips pulled back in a snarl, the white of his canine like fangs gleaming brightly against the paint of red on his lips.

Howl stood up his posture slightly hunched and hands raised, claws bared. The shadow seemed to permeate his being, turning him dark and hungry. Closing her eyes Sophie wished this to end, wished she never came into the door. Something cold, wet and hard brushed her cheek and she screamed in fright. It escaped her lips and somewhere in her heart, something snapped.

She continued to scream as her body fell back into the inky hot ice, drifting back towards the portal. Curling up she whimpered as her breath ran out, allowing the magic to carry her back. Howl, Howl, how could you? It finally made some sort of sense. The rumors about him stealing girls' hearts and eating them. He had! It was that thing inside him that made him do it.

Gently but forcibly whatever magic the place had, set her down on cold wooden floors, allowing her to sink to her side. Sophie heard the portal close quietly, clicking shut sadly. She wanted to cry, to scream, to yell, as she laid there on her side, curled into herself, hands plastered to her ears. But she couldn't move, could barely breathe.

He killed them, he had killed all those girls…that was the only thought she could formulate at that moment. She was next, wasn't she? She was like all those other girls; loving the wizard and then being murdered and mutilated.

Finally, Sophie sat up, trembling pathetically. Without much thought she dragged herself to her knees, dazed brown eyes looking up at the large wooden door. With a shaky hand she turned the knob to the red dial.


	8. Chapter 8

-1"Miss? Miss? Wake up, Miss," a voice called through the murk of her dreams. Sophie could feel gentle but insistent hands shaking her, pulling her to reality. No, no reality. She didn't want it. It was too awful for her fragile brain.

But light grew in her vision, blinding her mostly as she gazed up dumbly, her mouth moving mutely. A dark form looked down at her, blocking some of the light. Slowly but surely Sophie felt her body come alive again, feeling every weary inch of it.

"Miss? Are you okay, Miss?" the voice inquired again, now recognizable as a woman's. Groggily, she focused upon the person sitting next to her in a wooden chair. The face was middle aged and good natured but rather plain. Brown hair with bold gray streaks were pulled back into a loose bun, away from her square jaw. Sophie blinked at her as she adjusted the blankets on top of her, confused and dazed.

"Who are you?" Sophie croaked, her throat feeling thick and dead. The woman smiled reassuringly and rested the back of her palm on the girl's forehead.

"My name's Evelyn. I live a good couple of miles to the west from here," she replied softly. Sophie frowned slightly, not able to remember.

"Here?"

"We're in that charming little cottage that wizard Howl owns. I was out for a walk to gather flowers for my sister's birthday, you know, Mister Howl always lets me pluck some, and I stumbled across you, curled up by the water. I thought, well, this is strange. I checked on you and you were freezing to death. I brought you up here and set you in the bed," the woman explained nicely and comfortably, getting up to get a cup of hot tea. Sophie sat up on her elbows in the soft bed, accepting the drink. "What were you doing out here like that?"

"I don't remember. Thank you so much, ma'am."

"Ah, don't thank me yet. I'm afraid you've got a bad fever from being out in the cold. Do you have anywhere to go? I don't think Mister Howl would appreciate an unknown stranger in his home."

"I'll stay here. I know Howl, don't worry," Sophie responded lowly, thankful for the assistance but hoping Evelyn would leave. She wanted to be alone for now, with her thoughts. The older woman looked at her in fascinated curiosity. A flash of recognition seemed to dance over her hazel eyes.

"Aren't you that Sophie girl I heard about?"

"Um, yes, ma'am."

"But I heard that Howl had eaten your-"

"Oh, ma'am, please don't say that! I can't…I can't bear…" Sophie's weak voice drifted off as bile rose in her throat. Evelyn seemed to sense what was happening and grabbed a convenient wooden pail from the bedside table. Hiding her face with the rim, she felt the contents of whatever food she had left in her gut come out, splattering the bottom of the bucket. Gagging on the smell, she spit out the taste and gasped for breath.

"You've been doing that a lot," Evelyn commented as she stood to take the bucket outside. Sophie sank back against the soft pillows, her mouth tasting disgusting. When the woman left downstairs she finally glanced about the room she was in. By the triangular shape of the roof, it seemed to be a loft, with a tiny window by the head of the bed, letting in sunlight. A case of stairs led downstairs and a single wardrobe adorned the room beyond the chair and bedside table. Outside she could hear the creaking of the wheel turning the water at the side of the cabin.

"Are you sure you will be alright here alone?" Evelyn's voice asked, floating up the stairs before she did. Sophie nodded, not looking at her, instead staring up at the wooden ceiling.

"I'll be fine. Thank you, ma'am, for bringing me in."

"Well, okay. If you're here in a few days, I'll check in on you and bring some of my special pumpkin bread, alright?" she said in parting, gathering her hat and basket from under the table. Sophie offered her a pathetic smile as she headed down the stairs and left. Sophie listened as she pattered across the floor downstairs and opened the door. Outside she hummed as she walked down the concrete walk, her heels clicking on the few stairs.

Gazing up at the innocent ceiling, Sophie felt as if a huge hole had developed in her, right there were her heart had been. She could feel it beating like a swollen balloon in her hot chest, trying to escape. That was just an organ, she knew, Howl had already swallowed her heart. Was that why she felt so empty?

Perhaps the only thing left for her was just to let him kill her. At least that way, she would have been somewhat special compared to the other victims. They had no idea of what would happen to their innocent desire for love. But she did; she knew and by now, she excepted it. If she ran away, she would die anyway. She couldn't live without Howl and it seemed that she couldn't live with him.

Lying there under the thick covers, boiling in a sick heat, Sophie felt cold, inexplicably cold. Everything was so warm and so alive, but she felt dead, like that corpse Howl had held. Her hand twitched slightly at the memory.

For a few hours she watched the sunlight move over the boards on the ceiling, sinking away. Drifting asleep, she slept heavily and woke up feeling drugged and tired. She hadn't moved in her sleep at all. A queasy pain in her stomach made her roll to her side and grab the abandoned pail. This time only a gooey watery substance came up, clear and somewhat cloudy.

Sitting up, she felt the world spin and the bed under her rock as if it was on a ship. Her feet gave out under her when she tried to stand. Hitting the ground, Sophie laid still on the cold wooden floor, listening to the keen of a wolf somewhere outside the pitch dark house. Sweat dried strands of hair fell in her wide, dull brown eyes as she stared out the high window at the stars. Shifting her legs uselessly she found that Evelyn had changed her into a loose cotton gown and had removed her stockings.

With no resolve to move again, Sophie laid there, staring at the laughing, far away stars, wishing she could feel something beyond the hollow pain in her body. She wished she could cry or feel anger or something but she could not. Maybe she should just die here. That would be nice.

When Sophie woke up again, the sun was sinking in a foggy gray end, casting everything in a milky glow with its final end. Sometime during the day, she had rolled onto her side and thrown up again without waking up. The congealed puddle lay nearby, smelling rank and rotted. Not wanting to hurl again, Sophie dragged her body towards the far corner away from the window and curled up, her back to the world.

Pain raced through her gut, needing food and nourishment. How long had it gone without some sort of real rest or care? Ignoring her belly's cries for food, she closed her eyes and forced herself into sleep again. It was all she wanted to do; sleep and hide. Hide from herself. Hide from the world. Hide from the pain. Hide from Howl.


	9. Chapter 9

-1"Sophie?" Howl called softly, stepping through the wooden door, closing it behind him. The old cabin was the same as it had been when he was a boy, the single table with its lantern and papers, the old musket hung on the wall and the sink. Nothing here.

When Sophie had disappeared that first day, he knew exactly what had happened. She saw, she saw everything and ran away. Where to? He couldn't know. At first he checked Porthaven, searching every nook and cranny, scanning the city with every means he possessed. The entire search of the city took over a day. Next he had searched the Wastes, worrying that she would have disappeared in that cold, harsh place with winter on its way.

After hours and days of searching the two dials, Howl finally came to check this last hope. Any trace of her seemed to be wiped clean, except her clothes which had laid neglected on the floor.

Howl wasn't sure what he would do if he found her. He felt so awful, so dirty and monstrous. Had she finally realized all of what he really was? Was that why she ran away? He had to know, otherwise he would never be able to let her go.

Stepping carefully towards the stairs to the loft, he went up, his nose picking up an awful smell. Something was rotting and diseased and had been for a while. It smelled rancid and heavy, like a dead body. The idea sent a jolt of icy terror through his new-found heart and stomach.

Finally at the top he peered about the musty room, amazed and disgusted at what he had found. The old bed was thrashed, the blankets half off it, drooping to the ground. A wooden pail was collecting flies, the insects buzzing merrily about it. Afraid to look in it, he stood on the final step, looking down at a pool of rotting and maggot infested vomit on the ground.

A whimper finally caught his attention, echoing mournfully from the far corner. A gasp escaped him when he spotted a girl in white, curled on her side, her filthy silver hair falling across the unfeeling floor. Stepping over the mess, he ran to her, falling heavily to his knees. Desperately calling her name Howl lifted her off the ground, resting her head in his lap. A low moan continued to issue from her throat and her hands twitched pathetically.

Tears welled in his eyes as he looked at her closed, sunken eyes and her thinned face, at the sweat that poured down her brow and neck. She stank badly and felt like a contained fire in flesh. Brushing her bangs from her face, Howl kissed her forehead lovingly, ignoring everything else. This was his fault, all his fault.

Standing up, he picked her up in his arms, cradling her against his chest. She felt amazingly light, her shoulder blades seeming to poke out more than normal. Frowning at the damage, Howl carried her towards the stairs, swatting away flies that threatened his cargo.

Running across the dying field, Howl took her to the edge of the water, the moon reflecting in the still surface. Not taking off his shoes or anything, he stepped into the water, going in to his hips, letting Sophie dip down into the fairly cold bath. He watched as her brow tightened and her lips pucker at the sensation, gently lowering her more into the lake.

"Ho-oo-oowl?" she moaned thickly, her hands finally moving to grab hold of his shirt. He smiled as she regained consciousness, her half-dead brown eyes sliding open to lock on him. Howl flinched at the lackluster in her gaze, at the glassy and swollen glaze.

"I'm here, Sophie. I'm going to take care of you now," he whispered, letting go of her legs to let her body drift in the water. She lay limply as he scooped up cold splashes and bathed her face and neck. Once or twice she shivered but lacked the strength to protest.

Sophie honestly had not thought she would ever awaken. She hadn't wanted to. But now that she felt him holding her and staring down at her in such loving concern and scolding, she felt a resigned happiness. If loving him was going to kill her, well so be it.

"I'm sorry…"

Howl's intense blue eyes looked up at her brown ones, glad to see that some sort of life was beginning to shine in them. He brushed her hair over her shoulders and tipped her back to let it become soaked.

"For what?"

"For running away. It was cowardly."

"I forgive you. I would be an awful person if I didn't."

"No, I-"

"Sophie, I spent my whole life running. I know how easy it is. If you could forgive me for doing so then I can certainly return the favor. Now, hush, you're very sick," he berated gently, running his long fingers through her silvery hair to clean them. Contentedly she closed her eyes and laid still, her breathing heavy but shallow.

Shifting her in his grasp, Howl pulled her up so her wet head rested against his shoulder. He wasn't sure that all this cold water was entirely good for her although she seemed to enjoy it. Wading out of the water, he felt her shiver and press against him, her hands clutching his soaked shirt.

"I love you, Howl, no matter what you've done," her sweet, tired voice floated up to his ears. He looked down at her wet hair and flushed cheeks before kissing her brow.

"I love you and now we are going home."


	10. Chapter 10

-1The first thing Sophie saw when she awoke was the tired if not happy Howl, peacefully sleeping next to her. She smiled weakly at the way tendrils of raven hair blew with his steady breath, the dark eyelashes fluttering slightly. Contentedly, she watched him for a while although her body ached for a proper bath and some food.

She had just began to doze off again when a tender, careful arm snaked about her shoulders and waist, pulling her closer. Brown locked on playful, concerned blue and they both smiled. Howl leaned in and kissed the darkness under her eyes then her nose, his hands playing lazy circles on her back.

"You've gotten so sick, Sophie."

"I know. I'm sorry. I can stay downstairs until I'm better."

Howl smiled at her thoughtfulness before shaking his head firmly. He pushed away tendrils of silver hair from her face.

"No, I want you here in my room so I can keep watch on you."

"What if I make you sick?"

"Also, I'm afraid I'll wake up in the middle of the night and find you gone again," he confessed sincerely and a bit sheepishly. He gave her a pleading look. "Please, stay up here with me?"

Sophie considered arguing about the intelligence of that but gave up. Nodding in agreement she nestled her nose against his strong collarbone, intent on going to sleep. Howl held her comfortably for a few minutes before he realized she was drifting off again. Prying her away gently, he gave her nose a reprimanding tweak.

"None of that. You've slept for days now. You need food," he said lightly but with a tone of finality. Untangling himself from her limbs, the wizard got out of bed, still in his previous clothes and circled to the door, tiptoeing over random glittering objects. Lying on her back, Sophie watched him sleepily, wondering if she could even digest food now.

Once he had left, she tossed back the heavy blankets to look down at her body. Through the white nightgown she could see that her hipbones poked out more than ever and her legs looked sickly thin and pale. A couple of stains danced over the front of the dress where she had thrown up.

Frowning in disgust, Sophie swung her legs over the side of the soft bed, trying to sit up. Her head spun painfully but she managed to steady her seat enough. She was about to stand when the door swung open again. Howl crept in and closed the door again, holding a tray in one hand.

"I didn't realize it was so early. Ms. Waste had left the soup from last night on the cooking fire, keeping it warm. Everyone's still asleep," he said quietly, walking to the bed and sitting next to her. Placing the tray on her lap he waited for her to start, intent on making sure she could eat it.

Vaguely embarrassed, Sophie spooned around the stew, eyeing the potato cubes and meat chunks, wondering if this was a good idea. Picking up a slice of bread she dipped it into the thick broth, soaking it.

"Go on. Eat," Howl prodded gently when she paused. Casting him a look, Sophie nibbled the bread over the bowl, her taste buds jumping as if they were electrified. Dropping the bread she cupped her hand to her mouth, trying to bite back a whimper. He noticed the slight tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly, eyeing the soup murderously. She shook her head in humiliation.

"Hot," she chirped from behind her hand, her tongue still very tender. Howl stared at her for a moment in confusion before laughing lightly. Picking up the bread he lathed both sides with the broth. She watched in mute fascination as he lifted it to his lips and blew softly, the steam drifting away like fog. For a blunt moment she found herself staring at how his lips pursed slightly and the muscles in his neck moved a little when he blew.

"Here, try it now," he said suddenly, holding out the bread with one hand. Sophie shook her head vigorously, her palm still to her mouth. Rolling his eyes slightly, the wizard took a bite himself, chewing and swallowing before holding it out to her again. "It's not hot anymore."

Finally uncovering her lips, Sophie tried taking a bite, finding it actually good when it wasn't scalding her. Her teeth felt funny though as she chewed as if she had never used them before and her tongue felt swollen. The feeling of solid food going down her throat hurt a little more than she thought it would.

Howl patted her back when she coughed, her back shaking and hands trembling. After forcing her to eat at least five more bites of food, he set the tray on the floor. Sophie looked a little pale but healthier none of the less.

"Are you still tired?"

"No, but I'd like a change of clothes," she answered jokingly, laughing a little to hide her nervousness. It just hit her that the gown she wore revealed her arms and that was the last thing she wanted. To her relief the wizard merely nodded and left downstairs to fetch a new dress.

"Alright, take off the nightgown. This one's clean but I think we might need to burn that one. It could have the sickness in it," Howl ordered distractedly when he returned, a pale blue dress slung over an arm. Sophie stared at him in slight horror at his command. Change? In here? With him only a few feet away?

"What's wrong? Do you need help?" he asked when she didn't move. A yelp of abject mortification escaped her as he came over and almost brutally pulled the slip off her. Cheeks flushing red, Sophie wrapped her arms about her chest, covering the undershirt. There was nothing she could do to hide her white bloomers so she just curled her legs up.

Howl's gaze didn't leave her infuriated and embarrassed one as he unfolded the new gown he had gotten. Pulling it into an easy access crumble, he held the head opening out to her, waiting.

"Raise your arms."

His voice with its deep, chocolaty growl gave her shivers as he spoke. Almost terrified of disobeying, she slowly raised them, allowing him to slip the dress over her head and guide it down her chest and stomach. Standing her up on unsteady legs he tugged it down, the end reaching a modest length at her knees.

Grasping her shoulders, Howl gently pushed her back to the bed, forcing her to lie down again. Sophie complied, dazed and still a little mad at his actions. The dark and loving look in his eyes suddenly became surprised and confused. When he looked down she realized with stock horror at what he noticed.

"No, wait, don't look!" she cried out, trying to wiggle away from his gasp. It was too late, Howl's raven hair fell in his face as he inspected her arms, the thumbs softly brushing over the bumpy and scarred skin. Closing her eyes, Sophie jerked her head away to hide the tears that were forming. He knew! Damn it, now he knew!

The gentle and tender touches on her arms and shoulders were replaced by light, fluttery kisses that skidded along her nerves. A shudder coursed through her and she choked on a sob.

"Why are you crying, love?" Howl's soft voice asked in concern. His hand reached up and cupped her cheek. "Look at me."

Fighting the urge to comply, Sophie rolled away from her, hiding her face in her palms.

"Why did you have to look? Why did you have to see it?" she cried pathetically, wanting to hide from him and beat his head in at the same time. His hands gripped her arm and gently but forcefully made her turn back to him. Sophie's teary brown eyes glared up at him. "Why did you have to see it?"

"Why didn't you want me to see it?" he returned a bit sharply, dark gaze boring into hers. She flinched and looked away at her legs, ashamed to speak. Howl's fingers tightened and she closed her eyes.

"Its hereditary, I can't get rid of it. It's a deformity. They're…they're hideous," she finally murmured, finally gazing at him. His angry look melted away at her heartbroken one. With a sad and bearing sigh, he slid closer to her, his eyes soft as he scanned her arms lovingly. Tenderly he kissed her hot forehead and her lips.

"What deformity? I see nothing but you, Sophie," he replied reassuringly, palms rubbing and gliding up her arms, feeling every scab and bump. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"How can you touch me when you know what I'm like?" Sophie demanded in a confused and despairing voice. Howl looked back up at her in angered scolding. "How can you, Howl? I'm so…disgusting."

Studying her intently, he looked as if he'd argue and yell at her for such proclamations. Instead he grabbed her hands and kissed the knuckles, gazing directly at her self-loathing eyes.

"I suppose there is no proving to you how I see you with words," he said in seeming sadness. Sophie was about to question him before she spotted the teasing and dark look in his bright blue eyes. "So…I'll just have to show you."


End file.
